Perfect
by Banks99
Summary: Song fic to 'Perfect' by Simple Plan. Adam thinks about a recent phone call from his father, and realizes something important. One shot.


Disclaimer: Disney owns the Ducks, Simple Plan owns the song 'Perfect' and I own the plot.  
  
~Adam's POV~  
  
Will anything ever be good enough for him?  
  
I slave away, work harder than any kid I know, go far and beyond my own dreams. But it's never enough. All I ever hear is how much better I could be. Well, guess what Dad, I don't want to be perfect. I want to be me. I'm sorry, but I can't be this perfect child. It's impossible. I can't be perfect.  
  
As far back as I can remember, it seemed like he always had some kind of master plan for me. Play professional hockey, living out his own shattered dreams. After that, join my brother in taking over his law practice. Start a family with Roxi Larson, the girl next door, the girl that I've been practically engaged to since birth. Even after all my fighting with her brother Shane and our other old friend Brian McGill, our families still try to set us up. They want me to have this perfect life, and I don't want any of it. I can't be perfect, so what's the use in trying?  
  
He even disapproves of the Ducks. Despite how far they've taken me, he still thinks they're holding me back. My recent decision to go back to them in time for tonight's match against Varsity resulted in one of the most horrible phone calls I've ever received, even after my injury in the Good Will Games.  
  
Hey, Dad, look at me  
  
Think back and talk to me,  
  
Did I grow up according to plan?  
  
And do you think I'm wasting my time  
  
Doing things I want to do  
  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along  
  
My entire life I've done nothing but try to please him. Every part of my life was tailored to what he wanted it to be like. It was like I was in some strange world, like in that one book, The Giver, when everyone's life was all planned out for them, and they couldn't do anything about it.  
  
My father says the Ducks will trap me, bring me down, but in truth they gave me my freedom. I had never thought that it was all that unusual for my parents to orchestrate my life; it was the same for Brian, Shane, Roxi, and every other kid that I knew before the Ducks. But the Ducks... they showed me that there was so much more to life than my father was showing me. And I grew to hate him for trying to shut me back up in the box.  
  
But I still tried to please him. Always trying to make him proud, of my hockey, of my school... proud of me. Everything was done to make him proud. But it was never good enough.  
  
And now, I tried hard to make it  
  
I just want to make you proud  
  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
  
I can't pretend that I'm alright  
  
I've given up trying to pretend. I was falling into depression, falling into shadow. That was when Bombay came to talk to me, to see if I'd been all right on Varsity. And that was when I realized that I didn't need my family, or Varsity, or anything that I had been striving for. I needed the Ducks. And my father couldn't change that.  
  
My father has lost almost all his relationship with me. I was always told that nothing lasts forever, but this was a heartbreak I had never thought to experience, believe me. But my inability to be perfect has caused us to lose everything we once had. We can't go back to the way things were before the Ducks, simply because I realized that I can't be perfect.  
  
And you can't change me  
  
Cause we lost it all  
  
Nothing lasts forever,  
  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
Now it's just too late  
  
And we can't go back  
  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
I actually said that to him, when he called me after he found out I was going back to the Ducks. He was yelling at me about how this was a step backwards, and how it would ruin my career, and he wouldn't allow it, and on and on and on. I didn't even hear it after the first few moments- I was just too caught up in the fact that he really didn't care about me, just about the fact that I wasn't perfect. And so I said to him, quite calmly, "I'm sorry I can't be perfect." And then I hung up the phone.  
  
It hurt me more than anyone could ever realize, saying that. My dad was my hero growing up; he was everything that I could ever dream to achieve. But somewhere along the line, I stopped thinking that. Because I realized that if being him meant being that bitter, I didn't need a hero like that. But I pushed away the pain, forced myself not to think about it, the same way that I always do. At times I must seem like I can't feel, but that is far from the truth. I feel. I simply don't allow myself to feel. Because it's far too painful for me to bear.  
  
My father and I used to spend so much time together. We spent hours together out on the pond, perfecting my shot, honing me into the perfect player. But I was never perfect, and so he would always leave the ice dissatisfied. I was too happy to care, though. He was spending time with me, and that was all that mattered. It used to at least feel like he cared slightly, but now if feels like he doesn't care at all.  
  
I try not to think  
  
About the pain I feel inside  
  
Do you know you used to be my hero?  
  
All the days you spent with me  
  
Now seem so far away  
  
And it feels like you don't care anymore  
  
All I ever did was try to do what he told me. All I ever did was try to make him proud. My entire life revolved around trying to win my fathers respect. And yet, no matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to earn it. I tried so hard to make his dreams a reality, but it never seemed to work. All I ever wanted was to make him proud, but that was one dream I was unable to achieve. But I was never good enough for him. And I finally realized that I didn't care what he thought anymore. I couldn't stand the fighting anymore, between who he wanted me to be and who I was born to be. I was going to be the person that I had been holding back my entire life. And no matter what he does, he can't change me back. He can't change me into the puppet of a person. I won't let him. I can't be perfect.  
  
And now I tried hard to make it  
  
I just want to make you proud  
  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
  
I can't stand another fight  
  
And nothing's alright  
  
My father called me back after I hung up on him. I let the machine pick it up, and sat on my bed listening to him talking to me. He tried to apologize for everything that he'd said, but in the same breath he was repeating his comments from before. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell him that nothing would change anything that he'd said, nothing could take it back. Things were permanently twisted between us, and nothing could make it right again because neither of us were willing to put in the effort.  
  
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
  
And nothing's gonna make this right again  
  
I couldn't believe that it was so hard to talk to my own father. That the man that I'd looked up to my whole life could just turn his back and act like he didn't care. Because I know better than that. But he just couldn't seem to understand that the Ducks are my life. They're all I have, and I can't leave them. But he didn't get it. And so I could hardly even talk to him anymore.  
  
Please don't turn your back  
  
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you  
  
But you don't understand...  
  
It feels like I've lost my entire life. In one decision, resulting in one phone call, the base of my reality is gone. But I can pick up the pieces. I still have the Ducks. I'll be fine, because I've stopped trying to be perfect. I finally realized that it's an impossible task. I've finally realized that I can't be perfect.  
  
Cause we've lost it all  
  
Nothing lasts forever  
  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
And it's just too late  
  
And we can't go back  
  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
  
I'm sorry Dad. I'm sorry that you haven't come to the same conclusion that I have. I'm sorry I won't be able to be your perfect son. But I can't do it. I'm sorry, but I can't be perfect.  
  
AN: Please hit the button and tell me what you think! 


End file.
